5 Things I've Learned About Having a "Big" Family

Imagine my eight month old strapped to my chest in a baby carrier, her three older stair-step brothers holding hands walking into the grocery store. They choose a special car cart to use and have a brief, passionate discussion about which two boys will get to drive and who will be left to stare at my face and the back of they baby's head. Sure, we're taking up some time and space but for the most part it is managed chaos and we aren't truly inconveniencing anyone. YET..

I see the looks.

Five Things I've Learned About Having a "Big" Family

1. People assume they're paying for you in some way. Don't get behind them in the grocery store--she's probably going to use food stamps. In fact, cut in front of them. Why do they have so many kids? No lie--someone has asked me before if I needed the number to Planned Parenthood.

2. If you have a big family, you are already in someones way. Just this trip I'm walking down an aisle with my crew and someone else was, too so I moved to go around. No biggie. THEN a third woman comes out of nowhere, pretending to not see us and comes barging right through despite the fact that there's no room and I can't pick up my cart (because there are groceries and three children weighing it down) to inch it over a few. It mattered not that I was easily there first. I was in her way. I was slowing her down and she was going to passive aggressively show me. If you're going to have a big family, go ahead and prepare yourself for some folks to act like they have a say in your life in some way. Literally, my big family doesn't have an impact on you at all. Why do you care? Are you watching them for me? DEFINITELY NOT. Are you buying their diapers? Nope. Food? No. You're doing nothing for them so keep walkin'.

3.When you all go out together, someone will always ask "Are they all yours?" or they'll say "You've got your hands full." I don't mind either of these statements for the record. Sometimes I'm amazed they're all mine, too and I DEFINITELY have my hands full with them.

4. Some people will grant you a knowing nod, a twinkle in their eye, or a smile that reminds you of the great responsibility you have in raising these little people. Usually it's a sweet older lady who has been there, done that and sometimes it's a woman who doesn't have any children yet and desperately wants to mother a child. Either way, these people refresh my heart. Be these people who grant grace instead of judgment.

5.You will grow every day. It may not be in number. It probably won't be your bank account that shows growth. No, you'll be stretched thin there...but your confidence in yourself as a mother will grow. Your love for your family and the amazing way you seem to balance EVERYTHING will grow. Your appreciation for others walking this path with many kids, with various special needs, with whatever will grow. You'll be different. You'll be those people I mentioned at number four. You'll give grace.

Y'all, my kids were actually pretty great in the store today yet I felt a lot of shade thrown our way. We've got to be better about this. If you've opened your Bible at least just a little bit, you know that children are special to God. Stop holding them to impossible standards. They're learning how to act and we, as parents, are learning to parent them. And while they embarrass me daily, they make me incredibly proud, too with all the moments you don't get to see.

Thank you, Lord, for a big family full of chaos! Thank you for growth and grace. Amen.

The Best of the Internet Today

Literally every child I own (I can say that, right?) is crying, WAILING right now and I just can't even. It has been one of those days, for no particular reason. I am just to my limit with tantrums and fighting and downright psychotic behavior from a few of them (I'm lookin' at you Abe and Mer Bear). SO, like any stellar parent who knows her own limits, I'm ignoring them with a big dose of the world wide web. On this Monday, I bring you The Best of the Internet Today.

Y'all have been obsessed with this stinkin' giraffe trying to give birth. Admittedly, I tuned in to see what the fuss is about for all of 22 seconds, but who has time for this? Are you all sitting at work with this window ready to close out if someone important walks in? Do you have it streaming to your iPhone as you workout at the gym? Use the bathroom? I'm so confused. Millions are watching at any given time. Hey, I'm not judging. Whatever floats your boat. But THIS video--I found it hilarious. Here's a still photo...

Anyway, there's also this one--a parody of the bachelor for moms. It's spot on--ok, except I have exactly zero people lining up asking to watch my kids. Everything else is right on target.

Also, Cat and Nat are always pretty spot on, too. This week they hit the nail on the head with- Why am I so tired?

The #momlife is so glamorous, y'all! I went out in town twice today- once with polka dot pants on and the other time with plaid pajamas on. The only reason I changed has everything to do with a very spitty baby and not the fact that I ran two miles and was sweaty. No, that doesn't quite warrant a shower around here. Just livin' the dream...and look at all this time I just found to blog. I've really got my life in order. Anyway, I just heard an outside door open and close so they might be escaping. I should probably go check that out. Let's chat again soon.

Turning Coffee Into Words

If I had a cup of joe for every hour that I'm awake, it still wouldn't be enough. Now I understand why my best friend's mom always drank an entire pot of coffee every day--it was because once upon a time, she also had kids very close together in age who didn't yet take care of themselves and maybe she was just as tired as I often am. I'm not sure if my mental exhaustion fuels my physical exhaustion or vice versa, but here I sit turning coffee into words yet again, just so I can stay awake until their bedtime. 

It's funny because a little over a month ago I thought, I'm going to be a blogger again--a legit one. I'll write multiple times a week and start creating content again that doesn't entirely revolve around wiping noses and butts. Psych. You knew better, didn't you? Alas, I'm back but I don't know how often you can count on me. 

Life is good. I've learned some things already this year and it's only January. For example, ear buds will save your motherhood. Just plug those suckers in and listen to your music, a book, or watch a t.v. show as you're washing dishes and you can't hear all the blood curdling screams that come from the little people you created as they fight over who gets the one purple shark car out of the, literally, hundreds of other matchbox cars in the container to choose from. In fact, just go ahead and throw that one car out if they fight over it. It's not worth it and you know it. Along with everyone else and their sister, I've been on a mission to de-clutter and attempt a short embrace with minimalism. I can only have a short one because if I'm honest, I'd buy all the discounted yoga pants and athletic shoes I find if I could. You only live once right? Can't take the money with ya, right? It's a problem I'm working on. Still, I've been donating our clothes, toys, kitchen items, books, movies, and home decor like a crazy person and I'll let you in on a secret. You can't even freakin' tell. It's bad. Just this weekend I knew I was going to feel an enormous weight lifted when I packed my car down, packed to the vents, with stuff and sent it off to the local thrift store. Much to my surprise, though--I can't even tell. We acquire so much STUFF and if Jordan and I don't move every year then we start to become loaded down by it if we're not careful. Civilian life has been weird in that aspect. I didn't think I would miss moving often, but I sort of do. It's as if you get a clean slate at each new place. It's a new opportunity to start fresh in schedules, routines, and more. But that's what January is for, too. 2017 is here and I've got faith it will be our best year yet!

Denali National Park circa July 2010

The renewing of my attitude is something that I want to make a conscious effort in changing this year. This morning I woke up feeling the familiar tug from Satan telling me that I'm just not good enough. Jordan has been out of town on business this week so I've not had extra help with getting the kids to and fro. I cancelled some of Abe's therapy appointments today because of time conflicts with school and babysitting options. It shouldn't be a big deal. It shouldn't be the end of the world, but in my mind I'm sad because he has all this extra stuff to deal with. I don't want him to think of himself as different in a bad way. Rather, I'd like him to wake up and feel great about himself knowing that he overcomes obstacles in listening and hearing hourly that most will never have to endure and he does it with such a tenacious spirit that other people envy his positivity and want it to rub off on them. I want him to be everything that I am not. Because when I wake up and see all the hungry tummies, the hour on the clock, and the busy schedule in front of us- it might as well be Mt. Everest. I've never been this way. I used to wake up feeling like I could do anything I set my mind to do and deep down, I know that I still can if it's in God's will, but it's as if I can't find the right settings in my brain. Listen, I know I'm a great mom. I do crappy things, but at the end of the day I've poured every last little bit of me into them and that's all I can do. We're afloat and that's good. I've got to let these little things go. It's not the end of the world if he misses therapy.

When I spend time with my Creator--when I slow down this busy schedule of ours and hold my babies and read His Word, I'm reminded that each morning He prepares me for my work. In Philippians, it says He "strengthens" me. Just like the spirit of newness that comes with a move or a new calendar year, God gives us the opportunity to start fresh each morning.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5)

The inspired Word of God tells me that I have hope in this life and so I will. Thank you, Lord for another day spent with my kids. GREAT is thy faithfulness Lord unto me.

I am a good mom.

I am a good mom. I am a good mom.

I don't always say those words to myself. I definitely don't always believe them. Sometimes I rehash in my mind all the abysmal words I've told my children in anger that day and I feel the enormous guilt because of it.

Go to your room and be quiet!

All you ever do is un-do something I've just done!

You get the picture. It's not always pretty around here and I wonder when I drag into bed at night what my problem is- why I can't just show them patience and LOVINGLY correct them instead of spouting off what I'm thinking in the moment. Some days are better than others, but I know even on the bad days that I'm a good mom and I'd be willing to bet that you are, too.

Whether you stay at home or work, you're a good mom because you're working hard for your kids. Whether you're waking up early to fix a huge breakfast spread or tossing them goldfish in the car on the way to your first appointment of the day, you're a good mom. Whether you sat down to work that puzzle on the floor or you decided not to because there were dishes to wash, you're a good mom.

I'm not even talking about the mediocrity that we tell ourselves is good enough. The feeling of barely skating by, kids having popcorn for lunch, and/or family prayer time through tears because you want them to know that you are human and you mess up, too and need forgiveness is more than good enough. You (I) may feel like I'm just surviving the day, but you're doing so much more than that.

The impact you have on your kids is priceless, long-lasting, enduring, important.

Sometimes you make cookies with them while simultaneously covering the kitchen in flour and mixed up, sticky cookie dough (b/c Abel is with Daddy, ahem) and sometimes you go get the store bought ones and skip all that (because, hello, easy!).

Sometimes you spend all day cleaning and put them in front of the t.v. to pacify.

Sometimes you get on Pinterest and create all sorts of learning activities for them to do that they'll enjoy.

Being a mom isn't just one day in the life of your kids, so why do we sometimes focus on that one bad day we had where we yelled more than we showed them love? Our job is to imitate Christ so that they will grow to know Him. It's the hardest job because we are flawed individuals, corrupt with sin. We are selfish. Angry. Prideful. But as we guide our kids, our Heavenly Father is guiding and molding us if we stay focused on Him.

The enemy will try to pull you away. He'll whisper in your ear that you're a bad mom. He'll want you to give up, but you won't...

because you're good.

"She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." ~ Proverbs 31:27

Cute, Easy Christmas Cheer

Tis the season to spread Christmas cheer to all! I'm finding that once all the kids are in school, I'm going to be buying my weight's worth in teacher gifts over the years. But there's hardly a more deserving community, eh? Even now, Abel's village is a big one. Between therapists and teachers and specialized doctors, I needed something that I could do for all that they might enjoy or find useful.

If I didn't have four kids, I'd research tutorials on how to make printables so that I could design a perfect one for you to easily print off now. Then again, if I didn't have four kids I probably wouldn't be looking for this same solution either. Alas, I'm not super mommy blogger. BUT I wanted to pass along the Target idea for those of you who might be scrambling around trying to think of something to get to your kids' teachers this week.

I can't believe Christmas break is so soon. It was just Halloween....and Thanksgiving. And even though I put my decorations up sooner than most, I feel like I won't be ready to take them down. My house is bright and cozy with glimmering lights in every room and I'm posting up on the couch with my mudslide coffee and wishing for a slow, happy Christmas with my family.

Now, may the force be with you. May the odds ever be in your favor. Keep truckin'. Pull the truck, duck...and all that other motivating chatter so that you may press on and survive this holiday season while the teachers take time off to be with their own families. Happiest of holidays to you all!

(P.S. If you enjoyed this post, I hope you'll go like my Facebook page. I'm a lot more present on there!)

Approval

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

Can we all just soak that in? Really ponder it and be honest with ourselves when we analyze our own responses and reactions to people who have different opinions than us? I've valued those words from Aristotle since undergrad. I've changed a lot since then (thank you, Jesus), but one lesson I began to learn early on is that people get really really worked up when you don't agree with them. The moderate sized university I grew up at (at least a little) was smack in the middle of the bible belt, sure...but it was a university and liberalism seeped into every classroom. Stick with me--I will not be discussing politics, I promise. Due to the nature of my studies, I had many psychology, sociology, and other social science classes. Often topics of morality and politics came up in discussion and I sat around while the more vocal students spoke up with their opinions. Usually it was the more liberal, outspoken students who wanted to share. I considered myself a middle-of-the-road gal myself, but I couldn't stand to listen to only one side of the opinion brought up over and over again knowing that so many of my classmates must be conservative on some topics, at least. I remember vividly the first time I said anything political in class. I was immediately put in a category by some. It was the She-is-a-crazy-right-winger-and-therefore-dumb-and prejudice category. I believe my comment was on education, too. I recall one girl in particular talking about me after class as if I couldn't hear. She flunked out later, much to my delight. But I still remember her at times. I think it was one of the first times, as an adult (again, sort of), that I felt zeroed in on by another woman for no other reason than a difference of opinion on policies in education. You must be thinking, who cares? And I don't care about that particular situation, but what I do care about is the overall theme that keeps creeping back into my days: WHY ARE WOMEN (or people in general) NOT SUPPORTING EACH OTHER?

If I'm speaking candidly, I'll admit I do not give a crap about your opinion on this election. Why though, are we being downright ugly to those who decide to talk about their own opinions that don't line up with our own? Newsflash: There's a way to discuss, if you choose, without being rude, condescending, and mean.

As promised, it's not even about politics per se, it's about the Mean Girls Tendency. Jordan told me a story tonight about a nurse he was working with who said some fightin' words about me, someone she has never met or laid eyes on. I think he had said something along the lines of, "I'm gonna go and get home so I can fix dinner." Jordan enjoys cooking. It's a hobby of his and he does most of the cooking in our home (at dinner time anyway). Her response was, "Does your wife have a job?" When J told her I was a homemaker, she went off on a tangent about how she couldn't stand stay-at-home moms who couldn't actually accomplish X, Y, and Z at the house. My innate, sinful reaction was, "What's her name? What's her number? I will punch her in the face." And I would, y'all...before Jesus. I calmed down quickly enough because the last few days especially I've been in the Word about this very topic. Aren't we the hands and feet of Jesus? Those of us called into His family, aren't we to be loving others as He does? I was so mad at her (ridiculous) comment because it's obvious that she has never done anything like what I do on a daily basis. She couldn't have known that I've not been home at all today because stay-at-home parenting isn't exactly staying at home when you have a child with special needs. Oh, no. The day is spent in the car driving from appointment to appointment. It's spent bouncing the baby through three hours worth of therapy. It's spent managing times for driving to the sitter for one, school for another, stopping to nurse another, and listening while the deaf three year old voices how much he hates being in the car all day at the top of his lungs, for the love. It's spent on hold with insurance companies. It's spent budgeting and balancing the massive medical bills we accrue. That nurse didn't know that I came home today after a long day and started doing the dishes, preparing dinner, and putting four beautiful children to bed by myself. I bet she didn't take into account the time I spent going over my five year old's scripture he's committing to memory even though all I wanted to do was throw everyone in bed and sit down at the tv to shut my mind off. No. Her resounding message was that I was lazy and that just runs all over me. I certainly don't vent to her husband how her job is because...wait for it...I have no idea how hard it must be for her each day. I just trust that it is. I've never met her. I don't know what she's going through. Who am I to judge?

And that is the problem. We form these big opinions from behind our computer screens about what women are supposed to be and we forget to love and support the women right in front of us unless they are exactly like us in every way. A sweet friend recently pointed me toward Galatians 1:10:

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people I would not be a servant of Christ."

Do you need applause or likes when you put someone down harshly? I mean that sincerely not confrontationaly. And if I may speak to the other side of this coin, do you (I!) need this person's approval? Why? We needn't place value on the opinions of others apart from God's own opinion. Our identity comes from Him.

What does God say? This verse is plastered around my house because I need it in my role as a mother, but it is applicable in this conversation, too-

"Rather, let it be the inner person of the heart with a gentle and quiet spirit that is precious to God." 1 Peter 3:4

It's the same thing your mama probably taught you- "If you don't have anything good to say then don't say anything at all." I just think that a lot of times we are caught up in being right and loud about it that we forget that the people we are shouting at are people God loves tremendously, too. I'm not advocating that you don't stand up for something you believe in; I'm advocating for growth and appreciation for women (or men) who don't feel like you. Certainly continue challenging your beliefs and know why you feel the way you do, but don't let it compromise your love for following Jesus wholeheartedly. And Jesus loves the sinner. Despite their wrong actions. Despite their shortcomings. Jesus loves us. Amen. I'm so thankful for that love- that my King would die for me. His approval is what I seek. I can't worry about yours. It's a challenge for me every day. My tendency is to base my mood on others and if they're not happy with me then I'm down in the dumps. Almost daily, I have to remind myself that it doesn't matter what the world thinks of me, only God. Some of us aren't cut out for open dialogue on touchy subjects (ahem, me), but we are all cut out to stand for Jesus if He is indeed our King and He is mine. And what He has told me during this election period and during this season of my life is this: I am not called to blindly accept, but instead I'm called to love. If I have beef with someone's misguided opinion, I will focus on that in prayer. Seeing love in action is so much more powerful than someone's opinion being delivered unkindly.

As y'all vote (or whatever), I ask that you remember the people in front of you, beside you. You will still have to live with them despite who is elected. There are good Republicans. There are good Democrats. There are good Independents. There are good white people. There are good black people. There are good people and let's give them the benefit of the doubt.

Sorry for the novel!

Goodnight.

Postpartum and Pumpkins- a fitness update

It could be that I'm sitting here with a big bag of chocolate and carmel flavored popcorn in my lap (Thanks a lot, Boy Scouts), but I can't seem to get back in shape after this baby. It has only been three months, but with the others I was in better shape by now (at least I was with Merit...and possibly Abel). Perhaps it's because this baby is a girl or maybe it's because I turned thirty while pregnant. I don't know, but I'm not diggin' it. In the past, I could either eat healthy OR workout and stay at an acceptable place in my mind but now it's clear that I will have to do both. Which works out nicely because I just finished the last of that popcorn.
Some have asked me what I'm training for--just life, I guess. I'm having a hard time balancing everything in my life (in case you haven't picked up on that major theme of my blog) and so creating fitness goals and accomplishments are toward the lower end of my to-do lists. I'm just working on number one: trying to keep all the kids alive and relatively psychologically unharmed.
My first love is running. I don't love it while I'm doing it, but I always love it afterwards. It has rebuilt my core each time I've had a baby and it is the best stress relief this mom of four could ask for. It makes me feel alive. It reminds me that I'm so thankful for this body. It makes me want to take care of it even more. So while I do like to do races, it's not a huge deal to me. I've done a few 5Ks recently and have gotten an itch to try another half marathon soon, too.

Kacy's 5K record: 26:52
Kacy's Half record: 2:21:36

I think that's why I would like to try another half--because I know I can break that record right now in the shape I'm in. I'm entertaining the idea of running one in November, but I also need to make sure that is in the funds! Racing can get expensive, huh? I try to do races that are raising money for causes that I'm passionate about. A loose goal of mine is to make the most out of this fall running season.


Many of you have asked me to share my fitness progress and workouts with you during the postpartum period. My biggest secret is to just get active. It doesn't matter if the time you dedicate to changing your body isn't all at once. That's the biggest struggle when you have kids around. You try to spend at least 30 consecutive minutes working out, but someone needs their diaper changed, someone clotheslines someone else cuing tears, or someone sends a ball rolling right under your feet in the middle of your burpee causing you to face plant. It can be so frustrating if you're looking at a clock--so don't. Just as Rome wasn't built in a day, your body won't be either. If all you have are small increments of time then use what you have. Furthermore, get creative! Use the playground, do squats as you dry your hair, move constantly as you fold the laundry, DANCE! Lately, I've been using the pumpkins we have decorating our porch right now and so I thought I'd share one of the exercises with you-

For more peeks at some of the stuff that inspires me to get fit, see my fitness board on Pinterest.