I'm five weeks or less from meeting my newest little gift from above and I haven't even considered my thoughts on if she'll be deaf or not. That is definitely uncharacteristic of me, but I think it probably has everything to do with the power of God inside me. He hasn't let me worry about that. I've had so much going on, so many other thoughts to attend to.
I'm thinking about it now, though-- and it sort of seems like it's just another pondering. Will she have curly hair? Will she even have hair? What will her nose look like? Will she be hearing or deaf? Five weeks out and I think I'm okay. I haven't worried about it. It's incredible. Of course, this could change between now and then. I know I'll be so nervous during the hearing test. And truly, I don't want her to have hearing loss because I believe life is easier without having that hurdle, but I hope if I hear those words again, "Your baby is deaf" that I will be at ease, happy even because I finally have a little girl in my arms that God created perfectly.
When I had Merit, we were two weeks away from having Abel implanted with bi-lateral cochlear implants. The weight of the world was on my shoulders and all the hearing tests, surgeries, ear infections, hearing aids, and therapies were fresh on my mind. When the lady took him away to do the hearing test, I had told her about Abel and she could likely feel my anxiety. When she brought my sweet boy back to me she did so with a smile and an encouraging word that he probably only failed because he had so much fluid still in his little head from coming so quickly into this world. My heart ached for him as I stared at his perfect, tiny little newborn head and thought about them cutting into it. Other hearing tests were set up and I tried to push it from my mind. I began to notice him startling at sounds and my hope was restored a bit as we geared up for a very long surgery for my (less than) two year old. As you probably know, it turned out that Merit could hear. The point is that there was a tinge of doubt and fear. With baby #4, I have much more peace. Still there are thoughts surfacing. Even now as I type I'm hoping this blog post isn't some foreshadowing of what's to come in our lives. But what I feel right now is comfort in God's plan for her. I'm excited to meet her and find out more about her and who she'll become.
This weekend as I've watched my deaf child seem more and more like a happy, "normal" child and multiple friends have commented this week that they can see a marked difference in his progress, I've been able to see past the struggles we've had over the last three years. Abel is waking up and conversing with his older brother, playing, and laughing like he gets to grow up with his best friend. Can I tell you how incredible it makes this mama feel? I used to worry so much about his relationship to his brothers. I didn't want him to lack communication in any way, but instead I think he's teaching us so much more than we are teaching him.
It is well with my soul.
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| Kinley Jordan- 2011 |
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| Abel Elias- 2012 |
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| Merit Kimsey- 2014 |
"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline."
1 Timothy 1:7
2 comments:
She is going to be a perfectly wonderful little girl! :)
I think you have a great outlook on the whole situation. I constantly worry one of my other children will be diagnosed with autism but as you said, giving it to God will give you peace. Praying for an easy delivery and a healthy baby girl.
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