If I had a cup of joe for every hour that I'm awake, it still wouldn't be enough. Now I understand why my best friend's mom always drank an entire pot of coffee every day--it was because once upon a time, she also had kids very close together in age who didn't yet take care of themselves and maybe she was just as tired as I often am. I'm not sure if my mental exhaustion fuels my physical exhaustion or vice versa, but here I sit turning coffee into words yet again, just so I can stay awake until their bedtime.
It's funny because a little over a month ago I thought, I'm going to be a blogger again--a legit one. I'll write multiple times a week and start creating content again that doesn't entirely revolve around wiping noses and butts. Psych. You knew better, didn't you? Alas, I'm back but I don't know how often you can count on me.
Life is good. I've learned some things already this year and it's only January. For example, ear buds will save your motherhood. Just plug those suckers in and listen to your music, a book, or watch a t.v. show as you're washing dishes and you can't hear all the blood curdling screams that come from the little people you created as they fight over who gets the one purple shark car out of the, literally, hundreds of other matchbox cars in the container to choose from. In fact, just go ahead and throw that one car out if they fight over it. It's not worth it and you know it. Along with everyone else and their sister, I've been on a mission to de-clutter and attempt a short embrace with minimalism. I can only have a short one because if I'm honest, I'd buy all the discounted yoga pants and athletic shoes I find if I could. You only live once right? Can't take the money with ya, right? It's a problem I'm working on. Still, I've been donating our clothes, toys, kitchen items, books, movies, and home decor like a crazy person and I'll let you in on a secret. You can't even freakin' tell. It's bad. Just this weekend I knew I was going to feel an enormous weight lifted when I packed my car down, packed to the vents, with stuff and sent it off to the local thrift store. Much to my surprise, though--I can't even tell. We acquire so much STUFF and if Jordan and I don't move every year then we start to become loaded down by it if we're not careful. Civilian life has been weird in that aspect. I didn't think I would miss moving often, but I sort of do. It's as if you get a clean slate at each new place. It's a new opportunity to start fresh in schedules, routines, and more. But that's what January is for, too. 2017 is here and I've got faith it will be our best year yet!
|Denali National Park circa July 2010|
The renewing of my attitude is something that I want to make a conscious effort in changing this year. This morning I woke up feeling the familiar tug from Satan telling me that I'm just not good enough. Jordan has been out of town on business this week so I've not had extra help with getting the kids to and fro. I cancelled some of Abe's therapy appointments today because of time conflicts with school and babysitting options. It shouldn't be a big deal. It shouldn't be the end of the world, but in my mind I'm sad because he has all this extra stuff to deal with. I don't want him to think of himself as different in a bad way. Rather, I'd like him to wake up and feel great about himself knowing that he overcomes obstacles in listening and hearing hourly that most will never have to endure and he does it with such a tenacious spirit that other people envy his positivity and want it to rub off on them. I want him to be everything that I am not. Because when I wake up and see all the hungry tummies, the hour on the clock, and the busy schedule in front of us- it might as well be Mt. Everest. I've never been this way. I used to wake up feeling like I could do anything I set my mind to do and deep down, I know that I still can if it's in God's will, but it's as if I can't find the right settings in my brain. Listen, I know I'm a great mom. I do crappy things, but at the end of the day I've poured every last little bit of me into them and that's all I can do. We're afloat and that's good. I've got to let these little things go. It's not the end of the world if he misses therapy.
When I spend time with my Creator--when I slow down this busy schedule of ours and hold my babies and read His Word, I'm reminded that each morning He prepares me for my work. In Philippians, it says He "strengthens" me. Just like the spirit of newness that comes with a move or a new calendar year, God gives us the opportunity to start fresh each morning.
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5)
The inspired Word of God tells me that I have hope in this life and so I will. Thank you, Lord for another day spent with my kids. GREAT is thy faithfulness Lord unto me.