37 Weeks

It looks like I'm going to be pregnant for awhile longer. I recently left my thirty seven week appointment and I am halfway effaced and not even two centimeters. Sorry, I know this talk grosses some people out so there's your cue to not read on. It is discouraging, for sure. I've not been feeling stellar lately, but on Sunday during church I started feeling like I might pass out and was having lots of contractions. Most of them were just taking my breath away, but they didn't hurt. They were about five minutes apart. I started feeling less of them as the afternoon wore on and by nightfall, I wasn't having any. Then Monday and Tuesday night, they were back with a vengeance. In fact, last night I was ready to go to the hospital, laying out contacts and clothes that weren't pajamas so that I could slip them on when I woke up in the middle of the night in pain. That didn't happen, though. Each night, I find it hard to breathe, get comfortable or sleep. I have back pain and contractions that seem to be getting stronger, but not strong enough yet. The contractions last for hours and are 2-3 minutes apart ranging from 30-60 seconds long. I keep track of them because this is how labor came on with Merit. I got so used to doing this same scenario for weeks that I wasn't sure when I was actually in labor! The contractions, pain, and pressure are confusing. It's a bit unnerving for me because of the last two close calls we've had with getting to the hospital. But I know she'll come when she's supposed to so I will keep soldiering on as best I can. I just wanted to update each of you who have asked. I'm still pregnant and I'm getting quite miserable, but apparently it's not quite time yet. 

As if our lives aren't up in the air enough waiting on baby, we've been making some major changes in our house this week. New floors for our kitchen were becoming a necessity after discovering a leak we caught too late. When we got those done, we thought "Well, the appliances are already out. Perhaps we should go ahead and replace those. While we're at it, some new paint and hardware for these cabinets would look nice. Also, let's finally sheetrock the stairwell to the basement and slap some paint on that, too." So, there you have it. You knew we were crazy already, but now it's confirmed. We're on the cusp of welcoming baby number four in less than five years and our house is a construction zone of dust, paint, and disconnected appliances.

I'm tired, y'all.

37 Week Questions:

Baby is the size of a: tackle box or a winter melon

Weight: 151 (up thirty one pounds)

Cravings: I don't care about food anymore. I just need to eat it, but I don't always want to. My belly is so huge and tight, I don't want to put anything into it because it just causes more discomfort.

Stretch Marks: Nothing new

Exercise: I've been to workout a couple of times. Sometimes just walking, sometimes taking short jogs and incorporating weights, too. If I'm feeling good enough to exercise, it's a good day.

New Things: Pressure. Baby feels so low.

What's going on with her? Baby's lungs are likely mature now!

What I miss: rolling over in bed without wincing in pain

What I'm looking forward to: Postpartum exercise

What if she's deaf? Thoughts on Baby #4

I'm five weeks or less from meeting my newest little gift from above and I haven't even considered my thoughts on if she'll be deaf or not. That is definitely uncharacteristic of me, but I think it probably has everything to do with the power of God inside me. He hasn't let me worry about that. I've had so much going on, so many other thoughts to attend to.

I'm thinking about it now, though-- and it sort of seems like it's just another pondering. Will she have curly hair? Will she even have hair? What will her nose look like? Will she be hearing or deaf? Five weeks out and I think I'm okay. I haven't worried about it. It's incredible. Of course, this could change between now and then. I know I'll be so nervous during the hearing test. And truly, I don't want her to have hearing loss because I believe life is easier without having that hurdle, but I hope if I hear those words again, "Your baby is deaf" that I will be at ease, happy even because I finally have a little girl in my arms that God created perfectly.

When I had Merit, we were two weeks away from having Abel implanted with bi-lateral cochlear implants. The weight of the world was on my shoulders and all the hearing tests, surgeries, ear infections, hearing aids, and therapies were fresh on my mind. When the lady took him away to do the hearing test, I had told her about Abel and she could likely feel my anxiety. When she brought my sweet boy back to me she did so with a smile and an encouraging word that he probably only failed because he had so much fluid still in his little head from coming so quickly into this world. My heart ached for him as I stared at his perfect, tiny little newborn head and thought about them cutting into it. Other hearing tests were set up and I tried to push it from my mind. I began to notice him startling at sounds and my hope was restored a bit as we geared up for a very long surgery for my (less than) two year old. As you probably know, it turned out that Merit could hear. The point is that there was a tinge of doubt and fear. With baby #4, I have much more peace. Still there are thoughts surfacing. Even now as I type I'm hoping this blog post isn't some foreshadowing of what's to come in our lives. But what I feel right now is comfort in God's plan for her. I'm excited to meet her and find out more about her and who she'll become.

This weekend as I've watched my deaf child seem more and more like a happy, "normal" child and multiple friends have commented this week that they can see a marked difference in his progress, I've been able to see past the struggles we've had over the last three years. Abel is waking up and conversing with his older brother, playing, and laughing like he gets to grow up with his best friend. Can I tell you how incredible it makes this mama feel? I used to worry so much about his relationship to his brothers. I didn't want him to lack communication in any way, but instead I think he's teaching us so much more than we are teaching him.

It is well with my soul.

Kinley Jordan- 2011

Abel Elias- 2012

Merit Kimsey- 2014

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline."

1 Timothy 1:7